DC Black - Sista Circle

Sista Circle

TC, a native Washingtonian, is known for her work in the television, radio and print mediums. She's been featured nationally on Live with Regis and in Essence magazine. TC can be seen hosting shows on DC's Cable TV-13, and she is CEO of her public relations company "TCB Publicity," promoting entertainment events across the DC metro area. She has penned articles for the national Black Elegance magazine and columns for publications in major cities across the country, including Houston, Philadelphia and Washington, DC. She gives back by producing her award-winning website as a vehicle for women's empowerment at www.SistaCircle.com. Send email to tc@sistacircle.com

Single Mamas - Re-Entering the Dating Scene

Finding and keeping a mate has it's challenges for the single mothers. So much so, that we may sometimes talk ourselves out of putting forth an effort. With the little ones demanding our time at home, who has the time to date? Plus, meeting eligible men is hard enough for our sisters who don't have kids. But, hold up! Mama's got to have a life too! Decide to give yourself some "me time" without the kids, to meet single men and have a little fun. Sounds like a plan, right? Just keep this list of Do's and Don'ts in mind when getting back out there in the social arena.

* Have friends or coworkers introduce you to their friends. Don't leave meeting a brotha to chance. That might work well in movies, but in real life it's not much different from seeking a good job. Networking is one of the best ways to do this.

* Plan initial meetings or have blind dates arranged during your lunch hour. That way you can avoid expensive child care costs and have an escape excuse if necessary.

* Never bring your first date back to your place unless this person has been a longtime friend. No matter how experienced you may be, date rape is a reality, plus your romantic life needs to stay out of your kid's life.

* Don't feel like a failure if you keep striking out. There's probably nothing wrong with you other than that you may be a little pickier than you use to be. And why not? You don't need to be rescued, you are choosing companionship. Besides, every date is an experience that we can learn from.

* Do recognize that your sexual needs are your own. Your activities should be none of your children's business.

* Do define your relationship. Then establish some boundaries. For example ladies: if you happen to be in a casual sex relationship (just keepin' it real), limit your encounters to weekends when your ex, or another relative, has the kids. Or, arrange your visits at his place, or have a weekend away when your child is in the hands of a trusted and safe family member or sitter.

* Don't ...DO NOT...discuss your dating activities in detail with your children. They are not your confidants. But, be aware that the age of your child will make a difference in how much information you can share. In other words, your preschool son could care less about how nice you look, but your teenage daughter may notice your sudden interest in Victoria's Secret lingerie.

* Don't set your "partner" up to play daddy, and never introduce him to your children as Cousin Larry or Uncle Jerome. Yes, this was a common explanation for sex outside of marriage in earlier decades, but it isn't honest and it confuses children. If this man is more than a bedmate, you can introduce him to your kids slowly and over time. Start out by having a family outing, like a movie, bowling, or trip to the zoo.

* Do have fun and try not to feel guilty about having sexual feelings and attractions - you're single not dead! Many woman feel they have to justify their desires by building a relationship with someone who just doesn't meet their needs in other areas. Remember, too, that if he just views you as a sexual being but not as a parent, this is not the kind of person you want your kids around anyway.